Bionic Woman Review- Geek Porn with Wet T-Shirts

We haven’t been able to post all the updates we wanted on the blog today. Wouldn’t you know it, Kongye has a job and a life outside the blogosphere? Today a little of both intruded when Kongye had our weekly brunch with T and a shitstorm was abrewin’ on the work front. With that in mind, we bring you the reviews of tonight’s 2 NBC premieres.

I didn’t care for either Bionic Woman or Life. Personally I’d lump them together into the not good but not horrifically bad either category; but because Bionic Woman is so hyped and because it seems to be NBC’s big hope for Heroes-like numbers this year, I guess it deserves its own review. Basically, this show just didn’t give me a reason to keep wanting to watch it. I was extremely unimpressed with the staging of the climatic fight sequence in the pilot episode, and if that’s how they choose to showcase themselves it’s just not going to cut it. The heavy use of wire work and the Asian-inspired roof garden really harkened back too much to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon for my liking. The similarities were likely not intentional, but it was all I could think about. This show suffered from trying to make everything too big. In that scene the two women were thrown around and crashed into the building far more than was necessary. The creators don’t trust the quality of their product enough to be subtle with anything. They feel the need to bombard us with too much of everything. Even the rain on this show is over the top and distracting. They’re really trying to clobber us over the heads with this idea that this image is significant.
It’s not all bad. I happen to like Michelle Ryan a lot- or at least I did in Jekyll over the summer. The problem is that I don’t like her as an action hero. On an admittedly shallow level, she just doesn’t have the physique I like in my female ass-kickers. I’m more of a Kate Beckinsale in Underworld kind of person. Michelle’s just on the boxy side (I’m not calling her fat, I can tell she’s actually very fit. Her body type just makes her not naturally lean and I don’t like that). Ultimately, if I’m not going to enjoy watching her fight on an aesthetic level, it just doesn’t make the show as good. I like most of the supporting cast. The producers recast the role of Jamie’s sister and reshot all the scenes with her, so basically all the non-bionic parts of the pilot. The new actress is a vast improvement, and I like that they dropped the goth angle because that’s an overused cliché: the troubled goth teen.
I’m going to lay all my cards on the table: I hate Isaiah Washington. I won’t get into it too much now; but the Cliff’s Notes is that I think he’s a set cancer and he doesn’t take responsibility for his own actions. I found out about NBC’s decision to stunt cast him on Bionic Woman before I saw one frame of this show. I am rooting for this show to fail largely so that Isaiah will find himself unemployed yet again, hopefully for a long, long time. Maybe that’s tainted my perception of the pilot, maybe not. I know co-blogger Phallic did enjoy this and he’ll tell you more about that when he has a chance.

Verdict: I’m hoping this show is pulled from the schedule even before any of Washington’s episodes air. That’s pretty unlikely. This will go on and on far longer than it needs to.

Would I Watch It? Nope