Monday Night Reviews

DANCING WITH THE HOUGHNESS- This week on Dancing with the Stars....oh, who cares. How is our boy Derek doing? This week he did the Paso Doble. For those not familiar, in the Paso Doble the man is supposed to be a tough, masculine bullfighter and the woman is his cape. Hey Paint Hougher, what do you think of that?

If Houghness got into a bullfighting ring, he'd win because the bull would die of laughter.

ALIENS IN AMERICA-Mark it down, folks. It took 3 episodes for Aliens in America to have Raja accused of terrorism. He didn't get sent to Gitmo. Pretty unrealistic considering the evidence against him. He definitely would've been Renditioned in real life.

THE GAME-The Game was so thought-provoking. If you have an episode devoted to how much of a cliche one of your characters is on a show that's one giant cliche is that ironic, deep, or a cliche? This clip is going into the video all-stars this week. Enjoy a preview now

JOURNEYMAN-I watched this less than 24 hours ago and I'd need a time machine just to remember what happened. One thing I do remember is that we never found out why it was important or Dan to save this week's time travel beneficiary. Are we just going with the value of human life now? I also remember that the ads promised me that Dan would have to figure out if he could take another life to save someone. He asks Livia that question (she tells him it's cool 'cuz it's the past so it doesn't count-infallible logic), he just never has to make the call. Lame.

WEEDS-I thought this was the season finale. It wasn't. Andy Milder (Dean) is amazing this week. He does his best work incapacitated in a full body cast and wheelchair. Celia catches Nancy screwing her new boyfriend. Next week is going to be very interesting.

What's on Kongye's TiVo tonight- Man Ogling Edition

Now that the TV season is officially underway, I'm going to put myself out there and reveal the contents of my DVR to the blog-reading public (as is anyone reads this). Here's what I feel is worth my TV-watching time tonight:

PRISON BREAK-8pm, Fox- I watched the third season premier last week and had no idea what the hell was going on. The most horrifying part is that Wentworth Miller is trapped under all that clothing. FREE WENTWORTHS PECS! At least give me some arm, Fox. Stop being cheap and fire the makeup artist to do the fake tattoos.

DANCING WITH THE STARS- 8pm, ABC- It's no SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE(where else can you get dueling gay princes and, ummm, this); but it has former 90210 cast members dancing with wax statues. I heart Derek Hough. When I found out he was dancing with my homegirl Jennie Garth, I knew it would be the start of something beautiful on this blog. Americans have not been graced with the hotness that is the Houghness; but he's like a twinkier version of Zac Efron. You heard right- MORE twinky. DWTS is the perfect place for Derek because for once he won't be the least realistic human there.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER- 8pm, CBS- Technically Kongye will be downloading this because it conflicts with the other two shitty shows on at 8. This is the only thing Kongye watches on CBS. Kongye loves her some Neil Patrick Harris. In fact, Kongye loves all men on television named Neil. For the record, Kongye scoured the internet looking for shirtless NPH pics to link here- purely for continuity's sake- but nothing of quality was available. Doogie needs to get naked more often. The goods were on display last season, and it was some fantastic merchandise. At some point Kongye will do a Neil vs. Neil entry because those two have a lot in common. As a general rule Kongye doesn't have ogling feelings about NPH, we just respect his work. He was robbed of an Emmy. Piven's so ugly and pathetic he got the pity votes. Kongye's gonna get you, Piven. Watch NPH on HIMYM, people.

WEEDS- 10pm, Showtime- This show keeps getting more insane and I like that. I wish the producers would have fewer Olsen twins dry humping Hunter Parrish, though. I didn't actually care, or even notice that much. I thought it was a bit of a stunt when they did it last week. I was more annoyed that they replayed that 3 second clip on every show for a week to show how scandalous the Olsen twins now were. Stick to making funny TV, don't do stupid stunt casting.

THE WAR- That's right, Kongye's all cultured and shit. Kongye's going to be watching the new Ken Burns 25-part, 175-hour WWII documentary while reading the accompanying book and thinking really deeply about loss and sacrifice. That's the plan at least. So far the first part is sitting on Kongye's DVR's and was skipped over so Kongye could see what the ladies on The View wanted to bitch about today.