Reviewing Monday's Shows

PRISON BREAK- This show is so boring now. Even the minor crises that they write in for each episode have gotten mundane and silly. Wenty spent all episode trying to use a cell phone. Then despite the fact that he went to a lot of effort to put it back where he found it, bitch was too stupid to delete the outgoing call to his brother from the call log? He'll never escape from his ever-more-preposterous circumstances with that lack of attention to detail. I was also right about Sara. The producers aren't even being good about writing that actress out. This week we were subjected to a body double seen from behind and a vocal performer that sounded nothing like the original Sara. Linc also continues to make me wonder how someone so stupid with such a penchant for violence could have survived as long as he has. There are chimps that are three steps ahead of him in every situation.

DANCING WITH THE STARS- They're getting a little too cute with the music now. Mark Cuban has danced to money-themed songs two weeks in a row, Newton gets music about Vegas, and we're being not so subtly reminded of Jennie Garth's 90210 pedigree with the combination of "Uptown Girl" last week and that KT Tunstall song that tells us that she's a beautiful girl. In an effort to have absolutely no effect on the outcome of eliminations, the judges gave every couple the same score and didn't make a single coherent, dance-related criticism all night. The only thing that kept from from falling asleep completely was The Houghness, who had his manhood questioned by Jennie before she executed a brutal takedown on the dance floor. Don't bruise the fruit, Garth.

THE GAME- I was so confused by this show. It was like a Tyler Perry movie, I think. I've never seen one of those and I now know why. I just don't understand anyone's reactions to things. The first 10 minutes was an irrationally angry woman chewing out her boyfriend at a crowded party while "Irreplaceable" played in the background, followed by a guy with Rick James hair getting beat up by the boyfriend. It was.....special. Only good line of the night: "On second thought, I hope you didn't use a condom. You deserve whatever you get." It was so Maury.

WEEDS- Justin Kirk's feet need to stay off-camera for the rest of the run of this show. Oh, and why is Brooke Smith in every show this fall?

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER- Mmmmm, NPH so needs to join the gay rodeo because he looks fierce in Western shirts. EDIT: I just rewatched parts of this episode and he doesn't wear cowboy attire, I must have been projecting my fantasies again. The non-Barney humans were quite entertaining this week, too. Good episode.

ALIENS IN AMERICA- See my previous post.

What's On Kongye's TiVo: Now With Even More BitTorrent Action

Someone just asked him what he finds most sexy on a woman

PRISON BREAK- 8pm, Fox- According to the description "Determined to speak with Sara, Michael enlists T-Bag's help to get to the only phone in Sona." Something tells me that's not going to work out so well for him. This show is aggressively boring this season; but at least Wenty is slowly getting more naked.

DANCING WITH THE STARS-8pm, ABC- Why do I watch this? Take a look at the picture above and tell me if you could resist the magic of THE HOUGHNESS. I didn't think so.

THE GAME- 9:30, The CW- My TiVo has an affirmative action policy (I'm kidding, please don't send angry letters). I have personal reasons for liking this show. Plus, there's nothing on at 9.

JOURNEYMAN- 10pm, NBC- I'm going to give Journeyman another week to show me what it has to offer. I'll let you know how that went later.

WEEDS- 10pm, Showtime- This show just keeps getting better. I have no idea what's going to happen this week; but last week ended with Mary Louise Parker getting eaten out by her boss and the discovery of her DEA-agent husband's body. That's as good a set-up as I could ask for.

*****NEW FEATURE*********

WHAT PIRATED MATERIAL WILL BE ON KONGYE'S HARD DRIVE?

Since TiVo only allows 2 programs to be recorded at the same time, there are occasions where Kongye has to enlist the assistance of BitTorrent to watch quality programming that slips through the cracks. The criteria for what goes on the box and what gets downloaded has nothing to do with which show Kongye likes more or what show is better. As a general rule 1 hour programs get TiVoed because they take longer to DL and because its less efficient to set smaller timeframes on the DVR. Beyond that, it's really just a random judgment call based on what is most readily available online at the fastest speeds.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER- NPH just keeps getting better. Last week was chock full of Barney goodness and this week he puts on an accent! I'll be watching this long before I get to the other stuff I'm actually recording in the 8pm timeslot.

ALIENS IN AMERICA- We'll be checking out the new cast of this one to see if it's improved the show or made it worse. Stay tuned for the results.

Doogie

Kongye don't usually read much Gawker; but we were surfing there this morning looking for something and this caught our attention on the front page. Kongye has blogged of a deep love for Neil Patrick Harris and this is a Doogie-sized dose of the NPH.

LINK

What's on Kongye's TiVo tonight- Man Ogling Edition

Now that the TV season is officially underway, I'm going to put myself out there and reveal the contents of my DVR to the blog-reading public (as is anyone reads this). Here's what I feel is worth my TV-watching time tonight:

PRISON BREAK-8pm, Fox- I watched the third season premier last week and had no idea what the hell was going on. The most horrifying part is that Wentworth Miller is trapped under all that clothing. FREE WENTWORTHS PECS! At least give me some arm, Fox. Stop being cheap and fire the makeup artist to do the fake tattoos.

DANCING WITH THE STARS- 8pm, ABC- It's no SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE(where else can you get dueling gay princes and, ummm, this); but it has former 90210 cast members dancing with wax statues. I heart Derek Hough. When I found out he was dancing with my homegirl Jennie Garth, I knew it would be the start of something beautiful on this blog. Americans have not been graced with the hotness that is the Houghness; but he's like a twinkier version of Zac Efron. You heard right- MORE twinky. DWTS is the perfect place for Derek because for once he won't be the least realistic human there.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER- 8pm, CBS- Technically Kongye will be downloading this because it conflicts with the other two shitty shows on at 8. This is the only thing Kongye watches on CBS. Kongye loves her some Neil Patrick Harris. In fact, Kongye loves all men on television named Neil. For the record, Kongye scoured the internet looking for shirtless NPH pics to link here- purely for continuity's sake- but nothing of quality was available. Doogie needs to get naked more often. The goods were on display last season, and it was some fantastic merchandise. At some point Kongye will do a Neil vs. Neil entry because those two have a lot in common. As a general rule Kongye doesn't have ogling feelings about NPH, we just respect his work. He was robbed of an Emmy. Piven's so ugly and pathetic he got the pity votes. Kongye's gonna get you, Piven. Watch NPH on HIMYM, people.

WEEDS- 10pm, Showtime- This show keeps getting more insane and I like that. I wish the producers would have fewer Olsen twins dry humping Hunter Parrish, though. I didn't actually care, or even notice that much. I thought it was a bit of a stunt when they did it last week. I was more annoyed that they replayed that 3 second clip on every show for a week to show how scandalous the Olsen twins now were. Stick to making funny TV, don't do stupid stunt casting.

THE WAR- That's right, Kongye's all cultured and shit. Kongye's going to be watching the new Ken Burns 25-part, 175-hour WWII documentary while reading the accompanying book and thinking really deeply about loss and sacrifice. That's the plan at least. So far the first part is sitting on Kongye's DVR's and was skipped over so Kongye could see what the ladies on The View wanted to bitch about today.