Wade Robson on Dancing with the Stars

Wade Robson, my favourite choreographer from So You Think You Can Dance performed on Dancing with the Stars last night. He was everything I could have hoped for and more. In what was obvious an homage to his time at the Neverland Ranch, Wade did a very post-traumatic stress disorder influenced circus piece. Here's the video:

Ok, I lied. Wade isn't so much my favourite choreographer as he is my favourite choreographer to mock. Don't get me wrong, his work is fantastic, he just clearly has a special, special mind. He's constantly towing the thin line between genius and I Love New York 2 contestant.

Monday Night Reviews

DANCING WITH THE HOUGHNESS- This week on Dancing with the Stars....oh, who cares. How is our boy Derek doing? This week he did the Paso Doble. For those not familiar, in the Paso Doble the man is supposed to be a tough, masculine bullfighter and the woman is his cape. Hey Paint Hougher, what do you think of that?

If Houghness got into a bullfighting ring, he'd win because the bull would die of laughter.

ALIENS IN AMERICA-Mark it down, folks. It took 3 episodes for Aliens in America to have Raja accused of terrorism. He didn't get sent to Gitmo. Pretty unrealistic considering the evidence against him. He definitely would've been Renditioned in real life.

THE GAME-The Game was so thought-provoking. If you have an episode devoted to how much of a cliche one of your characters is on a show that's one giant cliche is that ironic, deep, or a cliche? This clip is going into the video all-stars this week. Enjoy a preview now

JOURNEYMAN-I watched this less than 24 hours ago and I'd need a time machine just to remember what happened. One thing I do remember is that we never found out why it was important or Dan to save this week's time travel beneficiary. Are we just going with the value of human life now? I also remember that the ads promised me that Dan would have to figure out if he could take another life to save someone. He asks Livia that question (she tells him it's cool 'cuz it's the past so it doesn't count-infallible logic), he just never has to make the call. Lame.

WEEDS-I thought this was the season finale. It wasn't. Andy Milder (Dean) is amazing this week. He does his best work incapacitated in a full body cast and wheelchair. Celia catches Nancy screwing her new boyfriend. Next week is going to be very interesting.

Tuesday Night Reviews

CAVEMEN- Remember last week when I previewed the Cavement pilot and said that the show may be better than the pilot I saw over the summer because they clearly couldn't air the original pilot? Well, I was half right. ABC scrapped the entire original pilot episode. They changed everything except the fact that these guys are cavemen and that they live in a horrible, discriminatory world. What I was wrong about was this show getting better. If anything this new version is far worse. It is now just boring and obvious instead of being willfully idiotic. For some reason, I watched episode 2. It was even worse than the pilot. Cavemen will be off the air by month's end.

BONES- Ok, seriously, why is this show so obsessed with cannibalism and kinky sex? This episode is mostly about the latter; but also features an allusion to the former. I have to say "pony play" is a fetish I was not familiar with. It doesn't sound like fun and brings up many logistical issues. Bones has lost its ability to engage viewers in the mystery. At times it's too wrapped up in its office politics. The writers grasp that the banter among the characters is what separates this show from the glut of procedurals on the air so they play it up at the expense of the procedural elements.

DANCING WITH THE STARS- Bye, bye Wayne. I'll miss your....nothing. I will miss nothing about Wayne Newton. I didn't even think he was worth making fun of. I watched the last 2 minutes of this show on Wednesday night and watched the filler earlier today. I can't say I missed anything, except the mildly inappropriate dance that accompanied Hannah Montana singing with her dad. Eastern Bloc dancers just can't turn down the sexy, even when they're dancing to a song about a father lamenting his daughter growing up. I'm not sure they were sending the right message there.

HOUSE- I'm not going to bother making fun of the obvious problems with House this season. Tonight he stuck a knife into an outlet to prove to a patient that there is no such thing as an afterlife. They've also turned this into one of those reality competition shows while pretending to do a parody of them. This whole "So You Think You Can Be America's Next Top Doctor Project" bullshit would be much more interesting if Fox hadn't already issued press releases telling us exactly who is going to stick around this season. I don't like shows that use adorable, kind animals to emotionally manipulate me, either. Increasingly, it's becoming absurd the level of bullshit they let him get away with, especially considering both his patients died tonight. SPOILER WARNING: I also don't understand what the hell happened to paralyzed guy and his pills. If Olivia Wilde just forgot to give them to him, why didn't he say something? If he wanted to die and specifically didn't take his pills he couldn't do anything to them because he doesn't have use of his body and someone would have noticed a cup with pills in it just sitting on his table. END OF SPOILER
REAPER- This show has kept up the standard from the pilot episode- a feat few other freshman programs have been able to accomplish. Bret Harrison is extremely underrated. I love him here. Tyler Labine and Ray Wise also excel as Sock and the Devil, respectively. Missy Peregrym continues to be incredibly hot but incredibly boring on screen. She's the one weak link in this very strong cast.

LAW & ORDER: SVU-Sabrina, The Teenage Witch guest-starred this week. So did Beaver from Veronica Mars. They threw everything but the kitchen sink at us this week. There was entirely too much going on by the time the episode's trial ends, and then they throw in yet another storyline, just for kicks.

Monday Night Reviews

DANCING WITH THE STARS- Very boring this week, no dancefloor disasters to cut the bad dancing and the blatant self-promotion. Speaking of which, Maksim worked his Vegas stage show into his video package and Floyd actually told us to buy his Pay-per-view fight. I really hate these people. I also have a gripe with this show: some of the dancers were not actually doing a ballroom Tango. I'm pretty sure no one will care to hear why so I'll just leave it at that until someone engages me about it.
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER- Not a standout episode. It was trying to be far more outrageous than it actually was. You can't do a threesome storyline properly with an 8pm timeslot on CBS. The most noteworthy part of the episode-for all the wrong reasons- was that Bob Saget spends the episode narrating a story about the time he may or may not have had sex with 2 sorority girls to his tween children. You've gotta love CBS's family-friendly slate of programming.
PRISON BREAK- Prison Break is so strange this season. There's way too much going on, too many subplots, too many characters, and none of it makes any sense. At least the producers took care of the Sarah situation on Monday. I was getting tired of seeing that bad body double. It's amazing that PB has conditioned me to be more shocked when there is no twist. At the end of last week they left us wondering "What's in the box?" This being PB, I assumed it wouldn't be what I expected...but it was. Job well done Prison Break. Job well done.
ALIENS IN AMERICA- Aliens faltered a bit in its second week. I'm glad they cut some of the sentimentality; but it's still not hitting hard enough on the laughs. The show is holding itself back. Also of note: some of the peripheral characters have been recast without explanation. The bullies and the guidance counsellor are clearly now played by different actors. The show tries to hide this by not referring to these characters by name, so that maybe we'll believe that they're not the same people.
MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL- Why can't my Bills just win a game already. This week was especially depressing. I felt like we came so close. This was probably the most exciting 4th Quarter I'll see all regular season. Too bad it didn't go my way.
THE GAME- Speaking of football, this episode of The Game actually featured its characters playing some. Here's the thing; last season this show was a sitcom. Complete with laugh track and multi-camera action. This season it's just a half hour Tyler Perry movie. I'd say the show isn't funny anymore; but I don't think it's even trying to be. They're even piping uncomfortable laughter through the laugh track. The whole experience is surreal because it feels like a sitcom in the way it's shot; but it plays like a cheesy nighttime soap. Here's a clip:


JOURNEYMAN- Boo hoo, Dan used to be addicted to gambling. I liked him better when he was a crackhead. This week's task: stop a crappy lawyer from killing himself over his gambling debt so that he can evnetually become a good lawyer and get innocent people off death row. A noble purpose, no doubt. I'm just not sure why it takes Dan half a dozen trips to do that and why the solution is to have a building fall on the guy.
WEEDS- Filler episode to set up next week's season finale. Some good bits involving the always hilarious Kevin Nealon and Justin Kirk, including this one:

What's on Kongye's TiVo- Thank God I Have Other Plans Edition

Overall tonight is going to be a poor night of programming. There isn't much on and the stuff that is there isn't all that exciting. This is a good night for it, since I'll have to catch up on this stuff when I get home late tonight.

CAVEMEN- 8pm, ABC- Review to follow. May as well see if they made a completely new pilot so that it's not as offensively horrendous as their last attempt.
CARPOOLERS- 8:30, ABC- Probably the only episode of this shows I'll ever watch. The pilot wasn't available at Paley or online, so I'm stuck with watching this crap with the masses.
BONES- 8pm, Fox- "Except for babies. Babies taste a lot like fish." Bones is so cannibal obsessed, let's see if they can find a way to put one into this week's episode.
REAPER- 9pm, The CW- Promising pilot, let's see where they go from there.
DANCING WITH THE STARS- 9pm, ABC- 59 minutes of filler, then Mark Cuban will be sent home. I do want to applaud this show for its new "Masters of Dance" series, which promised to showcase the best dancers from various genres on results nights. I hope they keep it up with deserving guests and I hope that dance snobs can refrain from bitching that the people who come on DwtS have sold out.
LAW & ORDER: SVU- 10pm, NBC- SVU was a surprise highlight of my week last Tuesday night. Let's see if they can raise the crazy bar again this week.

HOUSE- Sorry Greg House, your ratings are too high and your last episode too boring. You have been demoted to torrent status. Give me a good week or two and you may get your spot on my TiVo back.

Reviewing Monday's Shows

PRISON BREAK- This show is so boring now. Even the minor crises that they write in for each episode have gotten mundane and silly. Wenty spent all episode trying to use a cell phone. Then despite the fact that he went to a lot of effort to put it back where he found it, bitch was too stupid to delete the outgoing call to his brother from the call log? He'll never escape from his ever-more-preposterous circumstances with that lack of attention to detail. I was also right about Sara. The producers aren't even being good about writing that actress out. This week we were subjected to a body double seen from behind and a vocal performer that sounded nothing like the original Sara. Linc also continues to make me wonder how someone so stupid with such a penchant for violence could have survived as long as he has. There are chimps that are three steps ahead of him in every situation.

DANCING WITH THE STARS- They're getting a little too cute with the music now. Mark Cuban has danced to money-themed songs two weeks in a row, Newton gets music about Vegas, and we're being not so subtly reminded of Jennie Garth's 90210 pedigree with the combination of "Uptown Girl" last week and that KT Tunstall song that tells us that she's a beautiful girl. In an effort to have absolutely no effect on the outcome of eliminations, the judges gave every couple the same score and didn't make a single coherent, dance-related criticism all night. The only thing that kept from from falling asleep completely was The Houghness, who had his manhood questioned by Jennie before she executed a brutal takedown on the dance floor. Don't bruise the fruit, Garth.

THE GAME- I was so confused by this show. It was like a Tyler Perry movie, I think. I've never seen one of those and I now know why. I just don't understand anyone's reactions to things. The first 10 minutes was an irrationally angry woman chewing out her boyfriend at a crowded party while "Irreplaceable" played in the background, followed by a guy with Rick James hair getting beat up by the boyfriend. It was.....special. Only good line of the night: "On second thought, I hope you didn't use a condom. You deserve whatever you get." It was so Maury.

WEEDS- Justin Kirk's feet need to stay off-camera for the rest of the run of this show. Oh, and why is Brooke Smith in every show this fall?

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER- Mmmmm, NPH so needs to join the gay rodeo because he looks fierce in Western shirts. EDIT: I just rewatched parts of this episode and he doesn't wear cowboy attire, I must have been projecting my fantasies again. The non-Barney humans were quite entertaining this week, too. Good episode.

ALIENS IN AMERICA- See my previous post.

What's On Kongye's TiVo: Now With Even More BitTorrent Action

Someone just asked him what he finds most sexy on a woman

PRISON BREAK- 8pm, Fox- According to the description "Determined to speak with Sara, Michael enlists T-Bag's help to get to the only phone in Sona." Something tells me that's not going to work out so well for him. This show is aggressively boring this season; but at least Wenty is slowly getting more naked.

DANCING WITH THE STARS-8pm, ABC- Why do I watch this? Take a look at the picture above and tell me if you could resist the magic of THE HOUGHNESS. I didn't think so.

THE GAME- 9:30, The CW- My TiVo has an affirmative action policy (I'm kidding, please don't send angry letters). I have personal reasons for liking this show. Plus, there's nothing on at 9.

JOURNEYMAN- 10pm, NBC- I'm going to give Journeyman another week to show me what it has to offer. I'll let you know how that went later.

WEEDS- 10pm, Showtime- This show just keeps getting better. I have no idea what's going to happen this week; but last week ended with Mary Louise Parker getting eaten out by her boss and the discovery of her DEA-agent husband's body. That's as good a set-up as I could ask for.

*****NEW FEATURE*********

WHAT PIRATED MATERIAL WILL BE ON KONGYE'S HARD DRIVE?

Since TiVo only allows 2 programs to be recorded at the same time, there are occasions where Kongye has to enlist the assistance of BitTorrent to watch quality programming that slips through the cracks. The criteria for what goes on the box and what gets downloaded has nothing to do with which show Kongye likes more or what show is better. As a general rule 1 hour programs get TiVoed because they take longer to DL and because its less efficient to set smaller timeframes on the DVR. Beyond that, it's really just a random judgment call based on what is most readily available online at the fastest speeds.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER- NPH just keeps getting better. Last week was chock full of Barney goodness and this week he puts on an accent! I'll be watching this long before I get to the other stuff I'm actually recording in the 8pm timeslot.

ALIENS IN AMERICA- We'll be checking out the new cast of this one to see if it's improved the show or made it worse. Stay tuned for the results.

What's on Kongye's TiVo- Kongye is a Hateful Bitch Edition

BONES- 8pm, Fox- It’s a procedural that’s not on CBS and Kongye likes that the actors weren’t hired for their looks. Kongye won’t watch this if there’s something better on; but there isn’t so it’ll be on the DVR.

DANCING WITH THE STARS- 8pm, ABC- Sigh, The Houghness won’t be dancing tonight because the male “celebrities” are performing. Maybe we’ll still get some sweet Hough reaction shots. This is quite a pathetic list of performers they have on the men’s side. Kongye don’t even know who most of them are. Kongye hopes Wayne Newton spins out of control, crashes into Mark Cuban, and crushes him under the weight of his enormous, orange, botox-filled head.

HOUSE-9pm, Fox- Kongye didn’t really miss House while it was off the air. That’s a good show, though. Usually nothing worth blogging about, unless show guy’s balls blow up again.

MY SUPER SWEET SIXTEEN- 10pm, MTV- These little shitheads used to bring Kongye such joy. Now all the glee is gone because if you’ve seen one girl pretending to be even more rich and/or spoiled than she is in a desperate attempt to get on TV you’ve seen them all. It’s been a while, maybe this will work for Kongye again.

LAW & ORDER: SVU- 10pm, NBC- Tonight’s episode is absolute proof that Cynthia Nixon really needed that Sex and the City movie to be made. From the commercials it looks like she plays a multiple personality serial killer who thinks she’s a horny school girl, among others. All Cynthia does between SATC projects is stupid guest spots on procedural TV shows. Someone give her a real job.

MURDER- 12am, Spike- Have you heard about this show? It’s strangely fascinating, if only because they clearly pick crimes to solve based on how horrific the crime scenes would be to recreate. The producers of this totally get off on the fact that it’s late night cable and just throw random blood and guts in. the way they do this makes it amazingly not shocking in the least bit.

THE WAR- 12am, PBS- Kongye continues a failed attempt at getting more cultured. Now on the DVR: 2 unwatched instalments of The War. After tonight there will be 3.

What's on Kongye's TiVo tonight- Man Ogling Edition

Now that the TV season is officially underway, I'm going to put myself out there and reveal the contents of my DVR to the blog-reading public (as is anyone reads this). Here's what I feel is worth my TV-watching time tonight:

PRISON BREAK-8pm, Fox- I watched the third season premier last week and had no idea what the hell was going on. The most horrifying part is that Wentworth Miller is trapped under all that clothing. FREE WENTWORTHS PECS! At least give me some arm, Fox. Stop being cheap and fire the makeup artist to do the fake tattoos.

DANCING WITH THE STARS- 8pm, ABC- It's no SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE(where else can you get dueling gay princes and, ummm, this); but it has former 90210 cast members dancing with wax statues. I heart Derek Hough. When I found out he was dancing with my homegirl Jennie Garth, I knew it would be the start of something beautiful on this blog. Americans have not been graced with the hotness that is the Houghness; but he's like a twinkier version of Zac Efron. You heard right- MORE twinky. DWTS is the perfect place for Derek because for once he won't be the least realistic human there.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER- 8pm, CBS- Technically Kongye will be downloading this because it conflicts with the other two shitty shows on at 8. This is the only thing Kongye watches on CBS. Kongye loves her some Neil Patrick Harris. In fact, Kongye loves all men on television named Neil. For the record, Kongye scoured the internet looking for shirtless NPH pics to link here- purely for continuity's sake- but nothing of quality was available. Doogie needs to get naked more often. The goods were on display last season, and it was some fantastic merchandise. At some point Kongye will do a Neil vs. Neil entry because those two have a lot in common. As a general rule Kongye doesn't have ogling feelings about NPH, we just respect his work. He was robbed of an Emmy. Piven's so ugly and pathetic he got the pity votes. Kongye's gonna get you, Piven. Watch NPH on HIMYM, people.

WEEDS- 10pm, Showtime- This show keeps getting more insane and I like that. I wish the producers would have fewer Olsen twins dry humping Hunter Parrish, though. I didn't actually care, or even notice that much. I thought it was a bit of a stunt when they did it last week. I was more annoyed that they replayed that 3 second clip on every show for a week to show how scandalous the Olsen twins now were. Stick to making funny TV, don't do stupid stunt casting.

THE WAR- That's right, Kongye's all cultured and shit. Kongye's going to be watching the new Ken Burns 25-part, 175-hour WWII documentary while reading the accompanying book and thinking really deeply about loss and sacrifice. That's the plan at least. So far the first part is sitting on Kongye's DVR's and was skipped over so Kongye could see what the ladies on The View wanted to bitch about today.

I Really Hope She Has a Teenage Son

Leeze Gibbons was on the View on Friday and announced that her next big career move was to become a life coach. I don't give a shit what she does with her life; but this announcement did get me thinking about the possibilities....

I also wouldn't be surprised to find out Leeza used to have a penis.