We're Back!

"I think I found a way to add rufies to the cherries I put in my dates' drinks. It gives the my date rapes just a little more kick."

By we I mean the blog and Gossip Girl. It is currently 7:30am at Blog Central and Kongye has been up all night catching up on Nip/Tuck and getting her advanced peak at GG. Since she really ought to be in bed, Kongye will deliver the 30 second summary of last night.

It's the start of November sweeps in the Gossip Girl world and with teen soaps that could mean only one thing: it's time for everyone to get it on (rather predictably). More specifics in hidden mode.

Dan and Serena spend all episode obsessing over whether or not they're going to fuck. Dan's worried about it and Serena keeps mounting him like he's the top stallion at the equestrian club. So of course at the end she suddenly decides she can't have sex with him because "no one has ever looked at her like [he] did," then they gently cuddle. How vomit-inducing.

Nathan and Blair continue to not screw. In fact, they break up. More on that later.

I'm pretty sure everyone is fucking Jenny- just off screen. She walks around looking like one of her sugar daddies Vanessa left the butt plug in all episode. Maybe it's because we "discover" her mom is doing her neighbour and her parents are getting a divorce. Didn't we find this out about 4 episodes ago? Jenny must be real dim to only figure this one out now. Jenny needs to get back to plotting to make a Blair skin suit to wear to the Winter Formal so I can like her again.

Speaking of Lady Cumface.....
It's finally happened. The TV gods have answered my prayers. Ever since I anointed Ms. Blair Waldorf Lady Cumface, I have dreamed of the royal coupling of the Lord and Lady du Cum. I imagined their Cumtastic spawn inheriting the Earth and plunging us into a period of unprecedented prosperity and douchebaggery. Tonight's mating- most reminiscent of the Species movies- was not as Earth-shattering as I had hoped. The producers were somewhat vague as to how far the union had actually gone. However, kudos to the writing staff for setting the scene in the back of the Chuckmaster's limo, giving Blair a literal pearl necklace to go with the figurative one she'd get a few minutes later, and making sure that she sort of became one of Chuck's employees before they got it on.

In summary, this was some great TV. Unlike some of their fellow strikers (I'm looking at you writing staffs of the entire CBS Primetime lineup), the GG writers have my endorsement to stay out there as long as they need to- as long as they come back in time to write more Cumface love before the show runs out of existing scripts. More coverage of this episode when I wake up later today. As if my attempt at writing 30 second summary turning into a 10 minute summary didn't tip you off, this show was chock full of goodness this week and it'll generate quite a bit of content.

P.S.: Phallic, you were wrong on the cherry girl in the trailer for this episode. It wasn't her.




WARNING- HUGE SPOILER BELOW