Gossip Girl Episode 3 Preview

Oh Cumface, I heart you

Just finished watching the latest episode of Gossip Girl. This one was a little weak on the elements I like to mock most so I'll just offer a recap and some observations.

-NEWS FLASH: The Gossip Girl kids go to school this week! In fact, the entire episode is about stuff like getting into college and mental health issues. How dare they.
-Why the fuck is Blair wearing this to play field hockey? More importantly, why is she the only one on the field that gets to dress up in full Lolita garb? Is the school in on this whole Blair is a cocktease joke? Here's a screencap of girly fighting for our male readers:







I got maximum panty action for you

-Since when is a swanky rehab center a charity? I think I'll go donate some money to Promises now.
-Cumface/Nate hookup watch (now with visual aids): Check out this compilation of the last 2 episodes. This week Nate is sleeping with his head towards Chuck, wearing less clothing, and Cumface has gotten rid of girl from the night before so that there will be nothing in the way if/when Nate wakes up with some urges. By episode 5 the phone will vibrate and we'll pan to a shot of these guys spooning.

-Cumface scoreboard: He hooks up with a Princeton admissions rep off-camera and gets shot down by Blair again. I'm inclined to not give him points for either as the cougar was unconfirmed and he probably doesn't like Blair that much because he didn't even try to rape her. We'll call it a wash this week and award no points. Score stands at Cumface:3 Nate-substitutes:2

Here's a quick recap of the episode. Until I'm able to finish the coding to make this hidden, I'm just putting this part in black text to be invisible. Highlight below to view episode recap.
SPOILER WARNING
This week's big event is an Ivy League mixer. Dan really wants to be the usher for Dartmouth because that's his dream school and the rep is a writer he really likes. Nate's father wants him to be the Dartmouth usher. Nate isn't into it but gets the position anyway because of legacy. Dan is pissed. Meanwhile, Chuck continues to be his charming self (see video) and becomes the Yale usher. Later he switches to be the Princeton usher so he can screw that rep.
Blair and Serena fight. They have a catfight during field hockey, then B sends Chuck to spy on S to get dirt on her. He finds her going to her brother's treatment center and thinks that S is there for rehab. At the party B selects the treatment center as the beneficiary of the school's charity and makes a speech about how the center has helped S get off drugs- for now (snap!) S gets up and pretends that she really was getting treatment there in order to protect her brother. B thinks she's won, then S's brother tells her the truth and she suddenly grows a soul- I'm not buying it.
Serena's brother confides in Dan's sister about his attempted suicide and they become friends (soon to be lovers). After Serena pretends she was in rehab Jenny tells Dan the truth and he realizes that despite still being a shallow moron, S has a heart of gold. They tentatively make plans that may or may not be romantic. At the end of the episode B and S have a bonding moment. It's very special. The End.
Oh, Nate does some stuff in this episode. The idea is that he doesn't want to go to Dartmouth and he's doing stuff to sabotage his chances of getting in; but his dad keeps pushing him. I don't care about this plotline, can Nate just question his sexuality already and give us something to blog about?